Healing Isn’t About Forgetting

Healing is often misunderstood. Many people think it means forgetting the past, erasing the pain, or moving on as if nothing happened. But the truth is far more nuanced and far more empowering. Healing is not about losing your memory of the struggle; it’s about reclaiming your life, your voice, and your sense of self in the face of what once felt overwhelming.

For me, the journey toward healing began long before I had words for it. As a child in foster care, my life was punctuated by loss, uncertainty, and fear. I learned early that survival required silence, compliance, and careful observation. I carried those lessons forward, holding my experiences close, often too close, as if the pain were something to hide.

But what I eventually realized is this: pain does not define us. It is the lens through which we learn, grow, and ultimately reclaim our power. Healing is the process of moving from being defined by what happened to being defined by what you choose to do next.

Reclaiming Yourself Means Saying Yes to Your Own Truth
Healing asks us to stop shrinking, to stop minimizing what we’ve endured, and to finally speak our truth—not for validation, but for ourselves. It’s in those moments when you allow yourself to name the fear, grief, or anger that you reclaim a piece of your identity that was overshadowed by trauma.

It may be uncomfortable. It may feel impossible at first. But each step toward honesty is a step toward freedom. Each acknowledgment of your own story is a declaration that your life belongs to you—not your past, not the expectations of others, and not the narrative you once told yourself about who you could be.

Healing Is Active, Not Passive
It’s easy to think that time alone will heal us. While time can soften edges, real healing requires active participation. It’s in the choices we make every day:

• Choosing to rest when your body and mind need it

• Reaching out for support instead of isolating

• Setting boundaries that protect your energy and well-being

• Reflecting on the lessons your experiences have taught you

• Allowing yourself to hope, even when fear lingers

Each of these acts is a declaration of ownership over your own life. They are gentle, yet profound, ways to reclaim yourself.

Healing Connects the Past to the Present, Without Losing Either
Healing is not about erasing your story, it’s about integrating it. Your past, with all its pain and triumphs, becomes a foundation rather than a cage. It informs your decisions, strengthens your empathy, and guides your actions without holding you hostage.

By facing the memories that once felt unbearable, you create space to live fully in the present. You learn to forgive—not necessarily for others, but for yourself. You learn that resilience isn’t just surviving; it’s thriving, even when scars remain.

Practical Steps Toward Reclaiming Yourself

1. Reflect: Spend time journaling about experiences that shaped you, acknowledging both the pain and the strength you gained.

2. Create Rituals of Self-Care: Small daily acts, like a walk, a cup of tea, or meditation, are anchors that remind you of your worth.

3. Seek Support: Trusted friends, mentors, or therapists can provide guidance and perspective as you navigate complex emotions.

4. Set Boundaries: Identify what drains you and take steps to protect your energy, reclaiming agency in your relationships and choices.

5. Celebrate Growth: Recognize even the smallest victories as proof that you are reclaiming your life one step at a time.

Healing isn’t neat, linear, or immediate. Some days you may feel the weight of your past more heavily than others. Some steps may feel small, almost invisible. Yet, each one is an act of reclamation, an affirmation of your inherent strength and dignity.

Remember: Reclaiming yourself does not mean forgetting. It means acknowledging the full spectrum of your experiences, honoring the person you’ve been, and stepping courageously into the person you are becoming.

You are not defined by your past. You are defined by your courage to reclaim your story, life, and self.

If you’re drawn to the intersection of reflective leadership and lived wisdom, I highly recommend following these visionary voices:

• Elinor Stutz: International Best-Selling Author, for her masterclass on leading with integrity in sales.

• Ali Anani, Ph.D.: Columnist at BIZCATALYST 360, for deep reflections on systems thinking and the hidden layers of organizational culture.

• Char (Charlotte) Murphy, Esq.: Creator of Mission Hope™, for leadership rooted in hope and the transformative "BelieveInspire™" mission.

You are also welcome to explore more memoir-based reflections on leadership, resilience, and growth on my LinkedIn page: www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-goble-resilience.